Is your inner critic stopping you from speaking up?
When I first became an executive level leader, I found it difficult to speak up in meetings and being comfortable putting my opinion and ideas forward. I had something to say but wouldn’t say it because the thoughts running around my head got the better of me. My inner critic would tell me that I wasn’t good enough. I would be shaking with fear as I thought people would laugh at me or what I had to say. I would watch people speak confidently and in many cases take over the conversation and all I could think was “I wish I could do that”. Then, someone would say exactly what I wanted to say and people responded positively. In one short moment, my inner critic was proven wrong.
Over time, I continued to go to meetings where I didn’t actively contribute. Finally, my manager pulled me aside and asked me if there was anything wrong and was curious about why I never spoke up in meetings. His feedback was that I appeared disengaged and not interested in being there and although he didn’t say it, I wasn’t meeting the expectations of my role. He knew I had lots of ideas and suggestions yet I wasn’t sharing any of them.
During meetings the butterflies would appear. I didn’t want to interrupt or speak over anyone because that meant I wasn’t being polite. I didn’t want to be the person that talked all the time because they were uncomfortable with silence. I also felt that everyone else had something more important to say than I did. My fears kept taking over and I continued to lose my confidence.
Unfortunately, my behaviour and actions in those meetings wasn’t leaving a good impression and it certainly wasn’t helping to build my reputation as a trusted advisor and subject matter expert. Yet my desire to be part of the conversation to contribute, make a difference and be trusted was my biggest goal.
I had a decision to make. I could choose to continue to hide behind the fear or challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone. I could stay stuck or I could shake off the butterflies and start speaking up.
Since that conversation with my manager, I have been promoted to a higher level role. Now I have no choice but to speak up in meetings as I am often asked for my advice or an opinion by more senior leaders. Some days, I find it incredibly uncomfortable, nerve racking and I can feel my voice shaking. Other days I am in my safe, comfort zone where everything is going well and under control.
What I’ve learnt is that speaking up and being heard is part of how you build credibility with yourself and others. It allows you to become a leader. It allows you to be authentic and trusted. I have also learnt that knowing what strategies help me to manage any fears that come up was critical to me being able to step out of my comfort zone and start sharing more of my ideas and knowledge. Once I started speaking up, I realised it wasn’t so scary.
Here are my four of my go-to strategies that I use to help me manage my fears about speaking up.
Breathe – Often when I get nervous I forget breathe. So now before a meeting, I take a deep breath to calm my nerves so when it is my turn to speak I feel more grounded.
Plan ahead and prepare what I might want to say – Preparing for a meeting helps identify key dot points I may want to contribute. I then have confidence to speak up throughout the meeting and feel I am adding value as I have taken the time to think through the topic beforehand.
Remind myself that my voice matters – I tell myself that the knowledge I have is an important part of the conversation and the people in the meeting are interested and want to hear what I have to say.
Remove judgment and assumptions – Previously I was making judgments and assumptions about what others were thinking about me. As the saying goes, ‘What others think of me is none of my business’, so I had to stop assuming and give people the chance to hear what I have to say and let them respond. Yes I still care about what others think, however, I no longer let this stop me from putting forward my ideas. What we find is that nine times out ten, people respond positively and respectfully.
These are just a few strategies that work for me. I would love to hear what you might do to conquer your fear of speaking up.
